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MODERN MEH-DICINE | WEEKLY REPORT FOR DECEMBER 14, 2018

Modern Meh-Dicine

 

When I was growing up, my parents put doctors on pedestals. Dr. Stevenson dedicated himself to helping others. He always called me by my name and remembered what sport I played, what school I attended, and the names of my friends and family members. The man wore a tie under his white lab coat. When we got sick, he fixed us. Last year, I quit my family doctor and joined a concierge medical practice called Partner MD. They are great. My old doc, let’s call him “Josh,” was the reason I left. Dr. Josh appeared to be about 24. He wore skinny jeans and spoke like a “bro.” He bore a striking resemblance to Neal Patrick Harris at 16. #DoogieHowser Dr. Josh called me Mr. Sanders, even though I corrected him. “It’s pronounced Saunders, with a ‘u.'” “Cool,” was his reply. Dr. Josh didn’t know what I did for a living, nor did he care. He talked to his iPad more than me, but apparently his iPad is for playing GTA, because it isn’t connected to anything at the practice. At my old doctor’s office I would arrive 30 minutes before the appointment to fill out paperwork. I’d write the info on the forms, repeating the same info, page after page after page. Then they’d hand me an iPad and I’d proceed to type the same info into that device. After 10 more minutes, I’d be interviewed by a different person, who would proceed to ask me the same info that I just spent the last half-hour writing and typing. Once in the back, a nurse would pop in the exam room to ask more redundant questions and then take my blood pressure. “It’s a little high,” she would say. “Maybe it’s the fact that I just wasted 38 minutes giving the same info over and over in triplicate,” I would answer. During 20 more unproductive minutes, I would simply stare at in-room pharma ads and angrily hand-drawn signs that said “No Cell Phones” and “Canceled Appointments Subject to $40 Fee.” After Dr. Josh finally arrived in the room, the consult lasted three minutes, and quite honestly is what I had already confirmed through Google. Doogie Howser would agree, but then in a last gasp of total ineptness, he would call in the prescription to the wrong pharmacy. Inconvenient, impersonal, inefficient, inept, incompetent, inane, and idiotic are a few words to describe their practice, and those are just the adjectives that start with the letter “I.” It’s an entirely different way than a generation prior. Instead of the smart, hard-working pillar of the community, I was getting care from a paper-pushing doofus who’s only claim to fame is that he spent a tad longer in college than I did, using those two extra semesters to get a C- in Bio 492 and perfect his keg stand technique.

 

Monday, December 10 – Snowed In

 

Some folks love the snow because of how pretty it looks. It does something magical to the landscape. That is until a few footsteps mess up the initial beauty and it turns from a gleaming white winter wonderland into a dirty slush that causes people to slip and slam into the unforgiving asphalt. That said, Richmond’s twelfth-largest snowstorm didn’t stop us from putting the finishing touches on our new TV ad for Southern Goodman featuring a very familiar face to Richmonders. Our long-time friend and formerNBC12 news anchor Gene Cox starred in the spot as our indoor weatherman. Check it out for yourself and let me know what you think.

 

 

 

Tuesday, December 11 – Why Did The Turtle Cross The Road? Katie.

 

 

Still recovering from one foot of snow and icy roads, the team slid into the office two hours later than normal and into Katie “RossyBossy” Rossberg’s Main-iac University presentation. Over a catered lunch from Big Herm’s (which Katie even planned herself) we learned that our outgoing Office Manager once suffered a painful paper cut on her eye (after waving paper at a vertically challenged peer) and always stops to save turtles on the side of the road. And by always, just one time. She also gave an elaborate hour-by-hour run down of her perfect Sunday which strikingly began with “Step 1: Wake up not hungover.” Katie is a true realist.

 

Wednesday, December 12 – I’m Here For The Donuts

 

Wednesday morning I kindly reminded my team via Google Hangouts that Krispy Kreme was giving away $1 boxes of donuts with the purchase of another. Minutes after proposing “You fly, I’ll buy,” Business Manager Brandy Seay replied with a picture of herself in a lengthy line, waiting with the rest of Richmond. The caption underneath read, “They’ve run out of glazed donuts.” Luckily for us, and not so much our diets, their donut extruder quickly began pushing out and automatically glazing enough to feed a small village.

 

 

Later in the afternoon Account Manager Leanne Ferry and Communications Manager Kent Brockwell headed to DRIVE SMART Virginia’s Holiday Party. It was a festive function, with Christmas sweaters and jolly conversations with two of the friendliest NASCAR fans in Virginia — Drema Quesenberry and Beulah Guthrie.

 

Thursday, December 13 – The Parties Don’t Stop

 

Thursday morning, party animals Leanne Ferry, Kent Brockwell, and Account Executives Allison Throckmorton and Haleigh Lader headed to another holiday party — except this one was alongside our superstar rep at Radio One, Carrie Deane. The appreciation breakfast was filled with delicious omelettes and endless mimosas — to which the Main-iacs may or may not have tried to see how endless they truly were. Special thanks to Radio One for having us out, we had a great time!

 

 

Friday, December 14 – Come On Down And Git Ya Some

 

If you don’t live within earshot of downtown Lynchburg, you might not have been able to hear these awesome new radio spots for the Texas Inn yet. But, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, you’re only one click away from hearing my first-ever radio ad for the home of the world famous, undisputed heavyweight champ of burgers — the Cheesy Western. #ComeOnDownAndGitYaSome

 

A Few of Our Favorite Events

 

Holiday Workshop

A. Smith Bowman Distillery | Fredericksburg, VA

Thursday, Dec. 20 from 6:30-8:30 p.m.

 

Our pals at A. Smith Bowman Distillery are hosting a new event to get you in the holiday spirit. The Holiday Workshop offers a hands-on experience showing you how to create four perfect-for-the-holidays cocktails featuring their very tasty award-winning spirits.

Tickets are $35 per person and include all supplies and equipment for the evening as well as small bites to nibble while sipping on your creations. To purchase your ticket, please call the distillery at 540-373-4555.

 

A Night In Paris (St. Jude Benefit)

CrossKeys Vineyards | Mt. Crawford, VA

Saturday, Dec. 29 from 6-11 p.m.

 

Join our friends at CrossKeys Vineyards for a memorable “Night In Paris” benefiting St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. The night entails a six-course plated dinner and a bottle of your favorite CrossKeys wine per couple. Live entertainment by the Bootsie Daniels band will begin at 8 p.m. I hope to see you in the Shenandoah Valley!

 

Got an upcoming event you want to share? Can we come? Send us the deets!

 

 

“So…tell me everything you told the nurse five minutes ago.”

— Every Doctor Ever