Hanging Out…

Pt. 1 – Work/Life Balance

I’ve always been an advocate for work/life balance, so over the next few weeks I’m writing about it. Seeking a work/life balance is at the core of my Gen X soul. Maybe it’s because I’m a social animal, but I’ve spent a large part of my life trying to be there and do that. Some of the best memories I’ve ever had involved simply “hanging out” with friends — cooking a meal, fishing on a beach or simply just watching TV. 

When I graduated college and entered the workforce in 1990, I spent my day in three parts; eight hours of work, eight hours of sleep, and eight hours with friends. In that same year, nearly two-thirds of Americans reported having five or more close friends. By 2021, that number had dropped dramatically to only 38%. It is certainly true for me. I have a smaller group of close friends today than I did years ago and the opportunities to simply “hang out” with them are getting fewer and fewer. 

Because of the isolation brought on by the pandemic and our decades-long dependence (or some would say addiction) to technology, we increasingly find ourselves isolated. We work at home. We stay at home. We rarely go to other people’s homes. And we take fewer opportunities to hang out with friends. As a result, the rates of anxiety, depression, and heart disease are sharply rising, and experts point to a lack of social connection as a root cause. It’s become a silent crisis, even prompting the U.S. Surgeon General to release a health advisory on the epidemic impact of loneliness.

I was in my car last week. I was by myself. I was traveling for work. I made work phone calls and listened to NPR. An interview with author and Champlain College professor Sheila Liming grabbed my attention. I listened intently and then pulled over to the side of the road and ordered her book; Hanging Out, The Radical Power of Killing Time. I got it the next day, without leaving my house, thanks to Amazon Prime. I haven’t been able to put it down.

Liming writes, “I’ve become an accidental witness to a growing crisis.” The act of “hanging out” used to be effortless. It just happened. Today, we have to go to great lengths to make plans, coordinate calendars, and get in touch by text, messenger, or social media to simply plan an impromptu get-together. We used to just call someone and say “wanna hang out?” or — GASP — we actually just walked over and knocked on the door. Today, we panic if someone knocks on our door. By the end of all the texting and planning, we’re more likely to just “flake out” because, “phew,” it took too much time and effort. Liming argues, quite convincingly, that we’re not seeing the real value of hanging out; the deep social connection to others.

The book really opened my eyes. And this week, I’ve started making the effort to “do nothing” with friends. I booked a trip to see some friends. I’ve called and messaged friends I’ve lost touch with. I’m grabbing lunch next week with a buddy I haven’t seen since my 20th high school reunion. I’ve started going to see some clients in person that I haven’t seen, live and in person, for years.

A few words of advice heading into the weekend: 1) Buy the book. 2) Call a friend or two 3) Hang out with them over a meal or play Cards Against Humanity or do nothing but watch a football game or binge a Netflix show.

In other words, give yourself permission to hang out and be unproductive. Don’t be afraid to make the effort to do something that used to be effortless. Go hang out with friends.