These are the “Daves” I know

These are the “Daves” I know. Well, I don’t exactly know them all, but I know of them. I always suspected there were other Dave Saunders in the world. After all, the yellow pages in my hometown of Lynchburg, Virginia had a couple. In college, I received a report card from VCU with the impeccable grades (all As one B) of a 5th year med student, another David Saunders…I was a lowly freshman with a lot of Bs and Cs. I moved to LA and actually met a guy named Dave Saunders. He was an actor and we kinda looked alike, too, which was creepy. Then on Twitter a few weeks ago, a guy started following me named–yep, you guessed it–Dave Saunders and I thought I was hallucinating, but as it turns out, he’s real. And get this, he lives in Virginia and he’s a marketing and social media consultant. Fr-reak-ay.

Turns out, through the magic of Google, I’ve found many, many more:

David Saunders, Vice President of Service Operations for beverage equipment maker Bunn. Used to be with Sarah Lee. Mmmmm, donuts.

Dave “Mudcat” Saunders, Democratic political operative who ran Virginia Sen. Jim Webb’s campaign and was a senior advisor to former Senator and presidential candidate John Edwards. (BTW, if you get confused with alot of other Daves, it’s a good idea to have a nickname. I think “mudcat” is probably the best nickname I’ve ever heard. In LA, I knew “Couch Dave,” “Tropical Dave,” “Neighbor Dave,” and “Big Wave Dave.”)

Dave Saunders, Portrait and Studio Photographer from Columbus Ohio. Nice samples of his work on his website–but, dude, you gotta get rid of the music.

And then there’s Dave Saunders, the county music singer: Yeah, baby, he sings purty good.

But the best Dave Saunders story is the guy in London who I’ve never met, but wrote to in advance of his 21st birthday party. I’ve never met the young gentleman who shares my name, but was asked to write about what it was like being “Dave Saunders” at the request of his girlfriend Xanthe. Xanthe toiled through hundreds of Dave Saunders on Facebook connecting to guys from around the world. I wrote her Dave Saunders a happy birthday note:

Dear Dave,
There will never be another guy quite like you, Dave Saunders, but apparently there are several hundred “blokes” on the planet who share the same name.
Happy Birthday, by the way. If you’re reading this, it must have meant you made it to your 21st birthday. You’ll probably get “pissed” at the “pub.” Have a wonderful time.
I am 41. My friends threw a surprise party for me last night. My wife organized it. I’m completely hungover. My head hurts.
My wife is from the UK, so she talks funny, too, just like you.
Here are the facts: There are hundreds of Dave Saunders and every single one of us is charming, intelligent and handsome. At least, they are in America, I don’t know about the Dave Saunders “over there.” You see, Saunders is a noble name handed down by dress-wearing warriors from the foothills of Scotland. In those days we weren’t rich enough to live in highlands so we were relegated to “lollygagging” around a couple of mediocre-sized hills. Anyway, our ancestors were smart enough to stay in the back when the fighting started, always escaping, bruised from battle, but not dead. Our ancestors lived a long time and that’s a good thing. Heroes die for their country. Saunders live for theirs. And to our great-great-great-great-grandads, who stayed in the rear with the gear, we say “thanks.”
I don’t know if you know this or not, but during the American Revolution our ancestor Saunders sat on opposite sides of the frozen Delaware river, and mine said “This crap isn’t worth it. You guys go ahead. I’ll catch up with you in a little while.” Your great-great-great-great-grandad slept through the battle and was spared. The point is that they didn’t kill each other or get killed. They lived. They multiplied. That’s why you get a hot girlfriend with the “cockamamie” idea to email hundreds of other Dave Saunders all over the planet. That’s why I get to sit here at my computer half a world away, drinking Gatorade, eating aspirin like M&Ms, typing nonsense and wrapping “quotes” around words I think are “British.” So we turned out smarter, not necessarily bigger or richer or famous, just smarter. It’s in our DNA.
Saunders is of a patronymic origin and comes from the word Alexander and “son of Alexander” and…oh well, you’re smart, you already know this stuff.
Also, Saunders is the only name that is singular and plural all at the same time, but you already knew that, too, I’m quite sure. I almost forgot; you’re smart.
So, I’m almost twice your age. Jeez. Uh, I guess I should give you advice on the future, because even though you are a “smart lad,” you’re only 21 and don’t a know a whole helluva lot…yet. Remember, I am older and I am wiser than you. You should listen to me. I’m also better looking, despite being 20 years older than you. (Sorry but I did see your pictures on Facebook…couldn’t help myself. Xanthe “friended” me. )
I’ve learned a few things since I was 21. So, take my advice and you will live to 41, at the very, very least.

  1. Don’t smoke.
  2. Wear sunscreen.
  3. Use condoms.
  4. Floss. (I’m not kidding)
  5. Laugh everyday.
  6. And whatever you do, don’t break up with Xanthe. You should probably make her an “honorary” Saunders by marrying her. She’s a keeper.
  7. And buy this book. “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”

Sincerely and best regards,
Dave “madmain” Saunders

PS: Just to let you know, there are 175 Million people on facebook, but only 693 Dave Saunders.