Top 10 Things That Will Happen When Newspapers Die

Submitted by Dave Saunders

Here’s another goofy top ten list. I was inspired to write this as I recently listened to a “futurist” talk about a future with no daily newspapers:
So here goes, the top ten things that will happen when newspapers die:

10. Instead of writing “letters to the editor” your Grandpa will call you at work six times a week to complain about taxes and the rising cost of prescription drugs.

9. Reporters will find transition to social media very difficult, because they’ll have to talk with people.

8. Everyone will have to line their bird cages with ShamWows.

7. Thousands of egotistical know-it-alls will wander the streets with cardboard signs claiming “will distort truth with a liberal bias for food.”

6. Second graders all over America sob uncontrollably after paper mache dinosaurs made with toilet paper collapse in moist, misshapen heaps.

5. Sadly, everyone will just a little bit stupider. They will also think “stupider” is a word.

4. The “Waste Disposal” business in New Jersey will fall 62% because everyone in New England stops recycling.

3. Homicides in New York City will skyrocket as subway riders resort to talking with each other.

2. Starbucks will have Coffee Industry News as their only source of information for patrons.

…..and finally, the Number One Thing That Will happen When Newspapers Die

1. Daily Horoscopes will fade from popularity as readers finally discover they are a bunch of crap, since Astrologers failed to predict the demise of newspapers.